just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Houston, we have a blender
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
