I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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