Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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