All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
