we have pet lesbian snakes
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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