There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
