i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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