Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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