i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
