just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
