I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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