the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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