Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
