Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
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You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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