I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
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