you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Randomize
