dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
you had me at cake vodka
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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