If i come over, it means nothing
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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