Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
