Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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