I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
