i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
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