We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
