just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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