Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
only you would photoshop your dick
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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