just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
