I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Randomize
