I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
