I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
