Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
