You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
