Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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