I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
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mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
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I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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