don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
