she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
