they need to just BURY HIM!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
