Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
