i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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