As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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