Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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