Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
