She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
