woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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