He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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