I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
