it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
