morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
