I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
