getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
