are you still at the devil's house?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
