Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
