these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
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My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....