I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
