He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
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I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
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He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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