you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
they need to just BURY HIM!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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