Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
