everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
