i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
