He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
