well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
