I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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