my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
