my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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