i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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