Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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