I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Randomize
