i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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